Memorias de un Caminante: junio 2018

jueves, 21 de junio de 2018

How

How can I concentrate?
How can I be good for you?
How can I erase my mind?
How can I delete all of my memories?
How can I delete myself?
Should I die?
Should I wait?
Should I keep trying?
What's in store for me?
Am I in your thoughts?
I doubt it. I seriously do.
Everything points to this.
Every little sign possible, is there.
Why am I such a fool?
It's been 5 years already.
Why
Why
Why
Why
Why

Why

miércoles, 20 de junio de 2018

Why

Saying that I like you I not enough. I don't know what to do with what I feel. I can't talk to you because every time I do I feel like you don't want to. Why? I don't know. Every time I ask you out you say yes right away, and yet my mind tells me that it's only because you are too polite, or maybe you don't know how to say no.

Every time you talk to me I smile like an idiot, every time you tag me on something my heart skips a beat, every time I see you post something I smile and every time you write something sad it kills me, it kills me to know that there is little I can do, it kills me to know that it is not me who can make you happy. Little by little I die, not knowing what to do or how to talk to you.

I feel that I know so little of you and I can't seem to find the way to know more. I want you to open to me but I know I can't contain you, I can't even contain myself.

I don't know what you feel, and I'll most likely never know it from you. I can only guess, and my guesses are not very comforting.

You know what's worse? I keep trying to convince myself that you just might like me, as if I had anything likeable or had shown you anythign likeable. I'm just a lonely asshole that hopes to be liked without doing shit. And the truth is, I don't know how to be liked. I try to impress you and fail every time, I try to be a shoulder for you to cry on, but I don't know how. I fear your rejection so much that my words can't come out, I'm paralysed. I fear that you will notice that I like you and you'll feel uncomfortable. I fear that you might despise me.
And still, every single time I see your face, I simply melt. Every time I see you I just want to hold you and never let go. Every time you want to go somewhere, I want to with you.

I feel like I bother you, like you are tired of speaking to me, bored to death.
This is why I can barely speak to you. This is why I'm always so nervous around you. Why I always check if you posted anything, just to feel a little closer to you. This is why I can barely rest my mind. And I'm so sorry if you ever saw me as a burden, as a bothersome guy who can't stop commenting stupid shit in your posts, only to get some sort of attention from you. I'm really sorry.

Maybe I'm being too derivative now.

I'll end this post now, there is a lot more in my head, but I can't think straight now.

Memorias de un Caminante

jueves, 21 de junio de 2018

How

miércoles, 20 de junio de 2018

Why

Gente sin nada mejor que hacer.

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